Eighteen Percent

You’re no doubt aware that a recent poll by The Pew Research Center for the People & the Press found that 18 percent of Americans now believe President Obama is a Muslim. The percentage of Americans who said the same thing in March of last year was just 11 percent. Unsurprisingly, the view is noticeably higher among Republicans, who clock in at 34 percent.

It’s interesting to note that while the number of Democrats who think Obama is a Muslim has not changed since March 2009, fewer Democrats said the president is a Christian. But let’s focus on that 18 percent for a moment. What else do they believe? Our best guesses are below.

Muslims are communists.

Communists are fascists, and fascists are socialists.

Glenn Beck is the Mayor of Television.

The Founding Fathers cared deeply about entrusting common Americans with the power to select their chief executive.

The Founding Fathers wore Santa Claus suits and gave out Freedom Presents every fourth of July.

Burger King's "DOUBLE CROISSAN'WICH with Sausage and Bacon" is a mid-morning snack.

Nancy Pelosi is controlled by a demon living inside of her.

Obama’s health care plan authorizes the government to deduct funds at will from all American bank accounts. The Department of Justice secured an exception for African Americans.

The Muslim faith was created by Osama Bin Laden in the 1980s.

Tom Cruise is a Mormon Scientist.

The New Black Panther Party is collaborating with Iranian President Hamid Karsai and the Taliban insurgents in Iraq to intimidate conservative American voters and undermine our democratic process.

Sarah Palin's public comments do not sound like the incessant yapping of a second-rate talk show host.

Uncle Sam was George Washington's brother.

Native Americans had it coming.