Public Support for Democrats Sinking Fast

Washington, DC--According to recent polls, Americans’ support for Democrats and their legislative majority is declining at a ferocious rate. For the first time since their electoral sweep, Democrats suffered major blows this week in approval ratings, which have dipped below the 30-percent mark. Pollsters say disappointment over the handling of the Iraq war and a lack of accomplishments that help middle class Americans are leading reasons for Democrats’ plummeting support.

“It’s a dramatic downturn for the Democrats, no doubt about it,” said independent pollster Stanley Hothenbergerathensbaum of Duquesne Research Associates, which conducted one of several major polls released this week.

“It’s clear that Americans want to see results from newly elected Democrats,” Hothenbergerathensbaum said. “But instead, Americans see a Democratic party that has failed to bring the change they promised to deliver as recently as two weeks ago.”

“It’s awful,” explained Daryl Fisher, some guy we saw outside a muffler shop. “I mean, you put them in there and they can’t do a damn thing for you, just like the last guys. It makes you wonder what freedom’s for anyway.”

Under growing pressure to change course, Democrats responded to criticism Thursday by ratcheting up infighting efforts and scheduling a series of closed-door brawls at the Capitol.

Speaking at a hastily called press conference, incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tried to quell growing dissent. “Well I can stand beside ideas I think are right,” noted Pelosi. “And I can stand beside the idea to stand and fight. I do believe there’s a dream for everyone. This is our country--from the East Coast to the West Coast.”

Regardless of the apparent sincerity in Pelosi’s comments, pollsters and political analysts doubt the remarks will have a positive effect, just as many doubt the downward trend for Democrats has hit its bottom.

Not surprisingly, Republicans are delighted that their foes across the aisle are facing increasing discontent. In fact, anonymous sources inside the Republican National Committee say the GOP is planning a major media blitz in the coming weeks to call attention to how little has changed in America and Iraq since the Democrats seized Congress.

“We’re going to remind America in a big way how the Democrats have failed us,” noted one Republican operative. “We’re not convinced Americans’ tolerance for negatively charged sloganeering was completely exhausted by election day, so next week we’re dropping hate-filled shit bombs all over the airwaves, just in time for Thanksgiving.”

At the moment, pollsters are hesitant to comment on how ongoing partisan warfare in the coming weeks might affect the feelings and loyalties of average Americans like Daryl Fisher. But off the record, several polling experts foresee a protracted public opinion catastrophe for the Democrats if America fails to win the Iraq war by next Friday.

As for Mr. Fisher, he’s less worried about polls, and more worried about “all the bullshit.”

“They can’t get us out of the war, they can’t fix the god danged health care, they can’t stop people from saying whatever they want whenever they want, you still got people speakin’ Spanish everywhere you go--it’s a damn shame. Put ‘em in there to do a job and all they do is crap their pants. Pretty soon you get to thinking, if it keeps going like this we’ll have to vote ‘em back out again next year.”