Bush to Bush: Timetables Will Embolden Terrorists

Washington, DC--A fiery George W. Bush accused George W. Bush of endorsing a “cut and run” strategy for the Iraq war today, a move the President insisted will bolster the efforts of terrorists in Iraq and across the globe. The tough rhetoric came just a day after the President lambasted the President for being “such a total fucking flip flopper,” referencing reports that the President had retired the phrase “stay the course.”

“George W. Bush promised to stay the course in Iraq and leave an unmitigated mess for the next President to deal with,” said Bush. “Now he says that ‘stay the course’ left the wrong impression about our fight against the terrorists. Well, I for one call bullshit.”

In a press briefing following the President’s unusually candid remarks, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow echoed Bush’s stinging complaints about Bush.

“Listen, the President is just reiterating what the President has been saying about people like the President all along in this war. It’s the same thing, so get out your pens and write it down: This is a long war. America needs a President that does what he says and says what he means, not someone who’s going to change horses mid stream” said Snow. “So no one should be surprised when the President speaks out against a President who’ll say he actually voted for chocolate ice cream before he voted for vanilla ice cream. Pretty soon our troops will be eating freeze-dried Neapolitan, and everybody knows that sucks.”

But in a sign that the President is feeling pressure from the President, Bush spent the morning in closed-door meetings with top Cabinet officials, avoiding all media attention.

Mr. Snow said that the President will emerge when he has a break from his schedule, attempting to diminish speculation that Bush’s remarks caused Bush to keep a low profile on Tuesday.

“As always the President is conducting the business of the American people,” noted Snow. “The frankly baseless complaints of his critics in the Oval Office are not going to knock the President off his stride.”