2006 Voter Registration Cards to Come With Free Tube of Anal-Ease

Washington, DC--Spank Exclusive

New voters in several states will receive a surprise this year when voter registration cards arrive in the mail--a free tube of anal lubricant. According to election officials who spoke anonymously to Affirming the Least Sincere, the free lubricant is being provided in an effort to make new voters feel welcome in the democratic process.

“We’re always happy when people exercise their right to vote for the first time,” said one election administrator. “So the Anal-Ease is an easy way to say, ‘Hi there, Voter. Welcome to your first election. Oh, and here’s some butt lube. You know, just in case.’”

States thought to be participating in the anal lubricant promotion include Connecticut, Ohio, and Virginia. No lubricant giveaway is planned for Pennsylvania, a surprising fact considering Senator Rick Santorum is waging a difficult battle to retain his seat in Congress.

Although none of the election workers we spoke with would comment on the record, reaction to the promotion appears to be universally positive. Said one volunteer in Ohio, “I think it’s amazing—it’s the best thing to hit elections since free liquor and punch-ups. If they’d handed out lube the first time I voted, I would have been a lot less sore. I could bite a pillow just thinking about it.”


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Thanks to Barbara Jean Quimby for bringing this to our attention.