Teabaggers Community Calendar

If you’re a batshit crazy teabagger and you don’t have plans this weekend, we thought we’d spotlight a few teabagger-friendly events you might wish to attend. Cheers.

Central Alabama Teabaggers for Freedom is hosting a make-your-own-sushi night at the home of Flip Dunkelhouser. The informal event starts at 7:00 tonight and is open to all members. Sushi lovers are reminded to bring their own fish.

Super Patriot Teabaggers of Western Maryland will be holding a roundtable discussion on the depiction of women in the novels of John Updike. The event starts at 7:00 p.m. at the Friendsville Community Center. Snacks will be provided, but participants are asked to bring beverages. The flier also notes that “Alcohol is not allowed. You all know how Randy gets after a few cans of Natural Light.”

Sub Literate Teabaggers of Greater Nashville is once again sponsoring the popular “Foreign Film Night” on Saturday at the Municipal Park. This week’s feature will be Red, from the Krzysztof Kieslowski trilogy Red, White, and Blue. Festival organizers urge moviegoers to arrive early. Tickets are $3. Proceeds will benefit the insanely ignorant and belligerent activities of hometown teabaggers.

The Disgusting White Hypocrite Teabaggers Union of Allentown is sponsoring “Coffee Shop Talk” at the Strong Java Coffee Shop tonight in the heart of Allentown, PA. The event is a great way to join an ongoing and challenging dialogue on politics and current events. Members and nonmembers alike are encouraged to bring their excruciatingly indignant slam poetry for the open mic portion of the evening. Audience members will vote on the best poets, and the top three receive prizes. You have to show up to find out what the top two prizes are, but the third-place poet will receive a copy of the DVD How Minorities in the Government Are Trying to Kill You.

Chock Full of Racist Assholes Teabaggers Collective of Southern Virginia is hosting a “stitch and bitch” at the Richmond public library this weekend. There’s no formal agenda for the knitting session, but attendees can bet on talking about how Obama is going to murder their children in their sleep and how this country is turning into Russia and no one cares.

South central Georgia’s Teabaggers Who Love to Suck Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security is holding a free health fair on Sunday at the Good Samaritan Church of the Redeeming Christ on Coyne Avenue. Representatives from area hospitals and doctors’ offices will be on hand to provide services for enormous fees that will be charged to the government. At noon a team of beef industry executives will present a lively seminar on the benefits of red meat. And make sure to bring the kids: Bannister Brothers Ice Cream will be handing out free “Very Vanilla” or “Double Chocolate” milkshakes for all children age 12 and under.