What Would Cheney Tweet?

You know by now we’re relatively low-fi. No Facebook, no MySpace, no Twitter or Flitter. That said, we don’t live in an undisclosed cave, and we’ve at least seen a tweet or two. Which got us wondering: If Cheney twittered, what would he tweet?

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This Bama presser is torture…maybe the press corps would rather make out with him than throw soft balls… pls gag me
8:40 PM Apr 29th from web

Americans are roughly 4000% less safe now than when i was at the wheel. Just saying. plus swine flu--as if that’s not Obama’s fault
10:40 AM Apr 26th from web

Writing memoirs but would rather be fishing (for terrorists---hahaha!)
9:17 AM Apr 16th from web

babies on HuffPo still whining about a widdle wadderboarding--whaaa--want their mommies. I’d drop zubaydah in acid if I had to so fuck y’all
11:21 AM Apr 11th from web

Found another copy of L’s woman-love novel in a backwoods bookstore and burned it, I swear they reproduce themselves out of thin air
10:55 PM Apr 1st from web

screw working. it’s saturday. eating pork rinds and throwing darts at pic of Blitzer’s face.
11:10 AM Mar 28th from web

Anyone got Bachmann’s #? been watching her on YouTubes. she could use expert advice, or I could do an ad for her or just buy her a coffee or something
2:09 AM Mar 25th from web

Bama on 60 Minutes. insufferable punk. he fundamentally disagrees with Dick Cheney… the witty repartee! must qualify him to be president! christ
8:10 PM Mar 22nd from web

Heart stopped this morning for half hour! robotic life support system installed last year kicked in on time again! I’m ok! LOL!
10:40 AM Mar 20th from web

Monkey boy says Obama “deserves my silence’ --now you all know what I had to deal with for h8te years. total puss.
8:32 AM Mar 18th from web

CNN was a blast this morning--suck on this pricks! Less safe! Damn right I said it! USA! USA! USA! Hell yes I’m pumped!!!
2:32 PM Mar 15th from web

Scooter called…he’s still thinking about the pardon. Tried to say sorry again but he wouldn’t engage
12:40 AM Feb 25th from web

Wife says I have retirement blues…keeping my energy up is hard. the book can wait. i like napping in afternoon, so what? leave me alone
3:35 AM Feb 16th from web

Confined to salad and bran flakes and decaf and unsweet tea and meds and aches and checkups and regimens. Golden years…for losers
1:37 PM Feb 9th from web

Speaking offers, book deals, all the money i can eat…hard to find meaning in dark times…easy to see why a man gets in a bottle.
8:24 AM Feb 3rd from web

Hard waking up in the morning. Don’t wanna talk to anyone. Gray sky could swallow us and time will rub u out
5:55 AM Jan 28th from web