Bill Clinton Decks Reporter for Insubordination

News Station Begs Former President for Forgiveness, Promises Full Compliance

Greenville, SC—Former president Bill Clinton cleaned a reporter’s clock today moments after appearing at a Hillary Clinton campaign rally. Reacting to a question he presumably thought was insufficiently obedient, Mr. Clinton coolly delivered a devastating right hook that sent the offending reporter crashing to the floor in a puddle of shame.

“Oops, looks like Mr. Kent is going to miss his filing deadline,” Clinton quipped before walking away, stopping briefly to ask an Associated Press cameraman if he wanted “a piece of what Clark got.”

The encounter occurred as Mr. Clinton exited the stage and was on his way out of the auditorium. As Clinton passed a group of journalists, News Channel 12 reporter Sean Hampton asked why Hillary Clinton was not campaigning in South Carolina this week. Mr. Clinton instantly turned with a grin and threw his punch, finishing Mr. Hampton in the blink of an eye.

Mr. Clinton’s right hook was surprising to onlookers since the former president is a lefty. But even more surprising was that the blow was not accompanied by the degrading follow-up punches Mr. Clinton typically unleashes on semiconscious opponents.

Within minutes of Mr. Hampton hitting the ground, the reporter’s employers issued a full apology to Mr. Clinton and promised acceptable behavior in the future.

“News Channel 12 regrets the actions of Sean Hampton, a know-it-all hack we’ve never liked anyway,” the statement read. “Although we take responsibility for Mr. Hampton’s insolence, the fact is he acted on his own without our knowledge. We guarantee that the Clintons will never again have reason to doubt the sincerity of News Channel 12. Mr. President, Sir, Great One, we humbly submit our most sincere apologies and pray you can forgive us. Thank you for not traveling to our studios to pummel every last one of us.”

As of this writing Hillary Clinton’s campaign has made no official statement regarding today’s incident. Mr. Clinton was reachable for comment virtually all day, but no journalist would go near him. Clinton followed his appearance in Greenville with a stop in Columbia, where he rallied supporters and referred to Barack Obama as a “talented politician who has triumphed over his crime-filled past.”