CBS Decision 2008 Poll: Feces-Throwing Chimpanzee Gaining Popularity Among Undecided Voters

New York, NY--Move over, Hillary. Step aside, Rudy. With less than three months before the first ballots are cast in the 2008 presidential election, a new CBS News/Rasmussen poll shows that a growing number of undecided voters are leaning toward JoJo, a feces-throwing chimpanzee.

Rocketing to fame thanks to a popular YouTube video, JoJo is an undeclared presidential contender whose single goal is to cover the nation’s highest office with more crap. The CBS poll is the first to show that JoJo’s message is hitting home with a crucial demographic.

Noah Heller, an Iowa farmer and registered Independent for the last 32 years, summed up the feelings of many JoJo supporters, “You’re damn right I like JoJo. I ain’t ashamed. Hell, the other candidates shit on us anyway. At least you can put a funny hat on the monkey.”

“And I’ll tell you what,” continued Heller, “if you get a president who can do that in front of that Bin Laden, you’ll sure as Shinola get his attention.”

As for the declared presidential candidates, none would comment on JoJo’s rising fame. White House officials, however, jumped at the opportunity to spotlight reeking feces from a source other than themselves.

In today’s press briefing, spokesperson Dana Perino signaled that the President is open to JoJo’s idea. “This White House is interested in any candidate who can carry out the President’s legacy of spreading democracy,” said Perino. “Why automatically exclude a chimp with shit-caked hands?”

Whether JoJo intends to officially enter the presidential race remains a mystery. He has said nothing, and handlers admit his enthusiasm for the campaign is sporadic. When reached for comment yesterday, JoJo jumped around for a while under a homemade banner that said, “Vote for Crap.” He appeared to be happy, and then he threw feces.

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Reported by Chuck Mickelson