Coalition of Family Organizations to Release "Family-Friendly" Porn

As you might imagine, every day Spank Media receives a number of press releases and other desperate and pathetic pleas for attention. Most of this stuff is complete rubbish. That said, I couldn't help but find this one a bit surprising.

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CONCERNED FAMILIES OF AMERICA TO RELEASE FAMILY-FRIENDLY PORN!

February 14, 2006
For Immediate Release

Salt Lake City, UT--The Concerned Families of America Coalition, the preeminent powerhouse of family-values nonprofits, proudly announces its first-ever line of family-friendly pornographic entertainment! With this bold series of films, titled Hardcore Fun for the Family, the American Family will no longer be excluded from the delightful world of porn. “The smut industry’s discrimination against family values will not stand,” proclaimed Concerned Families' Chairman Harry Ballston. “This amazing collection of films finally puts good ole fashioned banging right where it belongs: family rooms across the nation. It’s sextacular!”

Filmed and produced exclusively by Concerned Families, these steamy titles titillate our wildest 1.5-acre, 2.5-kid, nuclear-era sexual desires, all featuring family-friendly characters totally screwing each other in safe, nonthreatening settings. Hardcore Fun for the Family not only drives you and your lawfully wedded spouse wild, but it fills up your sex life without leather weapons or scary gay stuff. That’s right, rest assured that you and your loved ones won’t find the sexually depraved in these lusty scenes--just the nasty action every family deserves. Not convinced? Check out these sensible titles:

• Hey Kids! Who Wants 'Tang?
• NASCAR Dads Spanking Soccer Moms
• Barb Does Bible Study
• Ultimate XXX Parent-Teacher Conferences
• Hot Tales From the Grocery Store
• Here Comes Uncle Jack
• Tupperware Party Vixens I, II, and III
• Sexame Street

As a champion for wholesome lifestyles built on solid moral foundations, Concerned Families supports spiritual growth for every American family. Facilitating that essential building block to happiness is why Concerned Families was created, and it's a huge part of our porn. "Our nonformal research suggests that happy families are fucking families," explains Ballston. "It is therefore demanded by the Concerned Families' mission statement that we play a part in fucking families' lives."

Slipping yourself into some family-friendly porn is fun and easy. Call your local Concerned Families affiliate today to find out how to get your loved ones the Hardcore Fun for the Family selections they'll go nuts for. You'll be really fucking glad you did!