Scott McClellan's Temper Tantrums More Frequent, Sources Say

Washington, DC--Spank Media

Scott McClellan's temper tantrums, a long-rumored feature of life in the West Wing, have grown more frequent in recent months, sources familiar with the Bush Administration have revealed. Speaking anonymously, sources added that the length and intensity of McClellan's crying jags have ballooned to cartoonish proportions. "They really ought to be filming it for some, you know, study thing or whatever," said one official. "Ever since the summer, it just blows everybody away to watch this guy freak out."

It's been more than a year since the first accounts of McClellan's backstage theatrics began trickling out of political circles in Washington. Reports at that time were unconfirmed and sometimes months apart. However, a significant upswing began in the middle of the summer, when reports of McClellan's personal turmoil were renewed weekly. Said one aide, "it's like he's possessed."

From the start, the accounts of McClellan's tantrums have been at odds with the press secretary members of the White House Press Corps have become familiar with both at daily briefings and while traveling with the president. As one member of the corps put it, "He's always been graceless and kinda slow-thinking, hell, maybe even slightly disabled, but who knew the guy has such passion? I hear when he's in the middle of a rant you could swear he hasn't progressed past age 5. And I know that scar on Andy Card's forehead is from something Scott threw at him. I just know it."

Administration sources and journalists in the press corps generally agree on when the apparent increase in McClellan's troubles began. In late July, TIME Magazine reporter Matt Cooper revealed that his source in the Valerie Plame ordeal was top Bush advisor, Karl Rove. Cooper's move effectively set off a week-long firestorm for McClellan in the White House briefing room. Reporters in the press corps pressed McClellan hard on the Plame affair--inquiries that focused heavily on McClellan's credibility as a press secretary, along with the credibility of Rove, Lewis "Scooter" Libby, and the White House as a whole. "Oh, yeah, that was the week he really exploded," explained one official. "'Hell week,' as we call it around here."

Multiple officials close to McClellan describe a series of episodes in the last days of July that shocked White House staff. As one staffer recounted the wave of July tantrums: "I remember coming down the hall one day to visit Scott about spinning some bad news, and there was a crowd gathered around his door. I realized then that the thumping I'd been hearing all afternoon was coming from his office. I'd just thought it was some repairmen or something, but it was Scott throwing chairs into the wall. Some of the interns were already crying, and I could hear Scott yelling in this really taunting voice, 'Oh, I won't comment on an ongoing investigation, will I? I won't comment on the investigation, huh, Helen? Excuse me? Oh, are you talking to me? Well, that question is about an investigation that is underway, David Gregory!! Are you dense? Were you listening, David?'"

Despite publicly stonewalling discussion on McClellan, this Tuesday brought the first hints of damage control from senior officials, in addition to rumors that mental health professionals have been retained for the West Wing. Asked about McClellan on this week's bus tour to garner support for public floggings of Iraq war critics, Vice President Dick Cheney smiled and confirmed his confidence in the press secretary. "He does a great job for George," said the vice president. "He's a real trooper."

"Well, true to form, that's an excessively optimistic thing for [Cheney] to say," stated one source close to McClellan. "But I just don't see how standing on your desk in tears, demanding someone bring you a 'great big bowl' of jello and marshmallows--at four o'clock on a Thursday, mind you--is typical behavior for a real trooper."

Asked about how the situation will be resolved, sources disagreed and were hesitant to offer predictions. Some suggested McClellan might be promoted to White House Communications Director to extinguish the possibility of on-camera hysterics. Others laughed at that notion and thought a Cabinet-level position might be in the works. "It's hard to say at this juncture," noted one source. "Maybe it will all blow over now that they bought him a Sit-n-Spin next to the window. Or maybe he'll do a header off the briefing room podium. Either way, he'll still be here."