Grave New Court: Alito Is Confirmed

And so it is done: Alito will wear the coveted black jockstrap and mark the latest in a string of victories for the conservative movement, whose push to change the face of the courts is succeeding beyond their wildest dreams. One more like-minded judge and the ramifications could be felt for generations: the complexion of personal freedom will be redefined, the power of checks and balances will be overhauled, and the executive will ass-slap the rest of the government like never before. I’ve been scanning the papers and columns for early headlines; reaction is unsurprisingly mixed:

• “Alito Confirmed to Replace That Moderate Traitor Bitch”
• “Federalist Society Instrumental in Turning Back Clock, Skull-Fucking America”
• “Defeated, Democrats Promise to Regroup and Revamp Bold Whining Strategy”
• “Poll: 46 Percent of Americans Have Never Heard of Samuel Alito”
• “Alito, Alito, Alito! Conservatives Party Like It’s 1799!”
• “Filibuster Busted: Kerry and Kennedy Reflect on Their Failed Attempt to Destroy Democrats”
• “Drunk Bush Supporter in Pennsylvania Rejoices, Hates ‘Dumb Gay Judges’ Anyway”