Democrats Dare Bush to Stay Out of Iran

By Chuck T. Mickelson

Senate Democrats took a tough stand against President Bush today, part of an effort to soften the drumbeat for the attack on Iran that’s totally going to happen. Majority Leader Harry Reid, in an elaborate show of Democratic opposition to the President, spoke at a press conference to deliver what he described as “the strongest rebuke of the Bush White House to date.”

“Mr. President, we know what you’re up to,” warned Reid, flanked by a dozen Democratic Senators. “Do not assume Congress will roll over for you this time like it has once or twice in the past, or maybe a couple dozen times, or...whatever. But hear this: fool us once, shame on you. Fool us 20 times, more shame on you. Try to fool us this time, and you leave us no choice but to double-dog dare you stay out of Iran!”

Despite the tough talk, Vice President Dick Cheney was unmoved by the Senate’s boldness. In an interview with anyone other than that bastard Wolf Blitzer, Cheney claimed the Democrats’ action is meaningless. “Hippies resort to dares,” explained Cheney. “And we all know hippies don’t know how to support troops. Besides, it’s clear to me that Democrats lack the stomachs for a triple-dog dare with infinity lock and no tag-backs—the kind of dare that actually has a pair of balls.”

Speaking later to CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, Reid remained steadfast in the face of the Vice President’s criticism. “Mr. Cheney is making a mistake if he thinks we aren’t serious,” noted Reid. “Our goal is a simple one: to show the American people that we understand how to exercise the power they entrusted in us last November. And that’s why we created this mostly-united, sternly-worded dare, this suggestion of possible action that may eventually force a vote for discussion by Congress in such a way that is completely nonbinding and doesn’t ruffle any important feathers. Our troops deserve no less.”